Nilofer Siddiqui
You.
Nancy Smith
Oh, my goodness. We have all. We have a few people coming in. And I’ll be watching the waiting room and get everybody in. But thanks for joining us today, Nancy. I haven’t seen you in a while. I, I’ve been out and I’m glad to be back today.
Nilofer Siddiqui
Glad to see you again.
Nancy Smith
Thanks. Okay, I’m gonna go ahead and get the recording started because we have a lot to talk about today and then we will do some introductions. So let me get that going. Good afternoon, everyone. Welcome to the MON Leadership Forum. On behalf of the International MONOR Council, I’m Kathy Leitch. I’m happy to be your host today as we meet together most Wednesdays here in this very same place for topics of interest in the monastery community. Today we have a very special guest, very special to me, at the very least, hopefully special to you as you get to know our colleague, Dr. Ann Epstein.
Nancy Smith
Dr. Ann Epstein, I’m sure many of you know, has been a workshop presenter and speaker, keynote speaker and college professor and Montessori educator and so many other things throughout her career and a good friend to many of us in the Montessori world. So, Ann, tell a little bit about yourself, but please share your topic with us today. And welcome. Thank you for coming today.
Ann Epstein
Yeah, well, thank you, Kathy. That was such a sweet introduction. I, I’m grateful to have an opportunity to talk with you all a little bit more about my backgr. As Kathy mentioned. I love to say it this way. I had the really good fortune to find out about Montessori early in my career. So I was headed off to be a speech language therapist. And then I found out about Montessori and changed all those plans and taught at the children’s house level for about 15 years and had a chance to teach in both independent schools and charter programs, so both public and private. And then opportunity came knocking again and I had a chance to go back to grad school and completed my doctorate in early childhood special edition. And then I went off to higher ed.
Ann Epstein
So I really feel like I’ve had two amazing careers. I just retired in May from teaching at the University of Wisconsin, La Crosse. I ran the early childhood program that we have there and loved it. Our students were amazing. I brought in as much Montessori as I could. But I, I do appreciate throughout my career being able to have a number of different perspectives and finding ways to have differing experts help us figure out the best ways that we can to support children. So let’s see right now I am teaching one course at uwl. It’s our curriculum and assessment course. That’s the University of Wisconsin in La Crosse. And if you don’t know, La Crosse is located in the southern part of Wisconsin. We’re right on the border with Minnesota, and Iowa is just literally down the road. So it’s a beautiful area.
Ann Epstein
I’m grateful that this is where I live. And, oh, my gosh, the topic that we’re going to be talking about is one that has been around for a while. I just spent a little bit of time this morning putting together a list of resources that will go along with the course, and I was really struck with how long some of the organizations that promote and help us find the best ways to support children have been doing this. So we have. That’s the good news. We have a number of resources that I think are quite good. On the other side, we certainly do have a lot of families and young children and their siblings, of course, who are in the midst of traumatic situations. So there’s definitely a need for this topic.
Ann Epstein
My plan for today day, I. I want to be as in sync as I can with the time that you all spend together. I’ve not joined one of your leadership conversations. So, you know, Kathy, you let me know what. When to do this and when to do that. But I’m thinking that this would be a good time to go ahead and share a short introductory PowerPoint. Would that be a good way to.
Nancy Smith
Go that would help us frame our conversation? Sure. Thanks.
Ann Epstein
All right. Okay. Here we go. So let me share this. All right. Okay. All right. Are you seeing a slide with a feather on it? Okay, good. All right. Okay. So why a feather? So when I was working with Christie to put this course together, she suggested, or I don’t know how we came up with this. I think it was Christy’s idea that it might be helpful to have something that would help us understand the topic and also give us a little bit of perspective. So she and I went back and forth on a couple of things, and we landed on a feather. And here are some of the reasons why we came up with that. It does require a light touch.
Ann Epstein
So families and children who are experiencing trauma need to have people around them who are approaching the support that they offer with a light touch. Their lives are difficult, to say the least, depending on the degree of trauma that they’re experiencing. And so the feather helps us remember that if we can maintain a relationship with them that is on the lighter side, and it’s generally going to be more effective. And there’s this range, as I mentioned very briefly, there is a huge range when we look at trauma. It ranges from mild to really severe. And that’s one of the things that we need to ascertain really, at the beginning of the whole process offering supports. Where is this family? What’s happening with this child? How can we best understand where they are and what’s going on? And that aligns beautifully with our Montessori principles.
Ann Epstein
We know every child is completely unique. And thank goodness for all the work that we do in the process of observing children, because that is really going to help us when we’re working with kids and families who are in the midst of a trauma. The good news is that we can lessen the impact. We certainly cannot make the trauma go away, but with thoughtful approaches, we can reduce the impact. And that is what I’m hoping I can help you learn about how to lessen the impact. Hope and healing. I love this. This combination. They come from safety and listening.
Ann Epstein
And that is sometimes hard for us, I guess I would say, as school leaders and as teachers, because we want to be doing, and often with children and families, the way that we can support them the best is to be there to listen and to be approachable. We do have some strategies, and I’ll be sharing those in the course. But putting ourselves into that listening framework goes a long way. Safety is probably the overarching component when we’re working with families and with young children because their sense of safety has been disturbed, and in some situations, it’s just not there. So doing what we can to help them feel safe during their time with us is probably the most important thing that we can do.
Ann Epstein
The feather that is on the slide here has a few rough edges and a few dark spots, and that helps us remember that this is a. A very difficult time for some families. And those rough spots and the darkness, again, we can alleviate that to some degree. With some families, there will remain some components of it. And yet, when we look at a feather, it’s still beautiful and it still has a lot of potential for lightness. And here’s a little bit of information about feathers. I love this, too. They hold up under stressful flying conditions and high winds. And then this comes from a website called BirdNote. Their intricate, branching structure makes them highly flexible and free of unnecessary weight. One of our objectives when we’re supporting families is to, again, lessen the impact, to lighten their world.
Ann Epstein
All right, so in the course I’ve laid it out so that you have a little bit of homework now. And then I would like you, if you are interested in the course, to take about half an hour to do a little bit of reading and to complete a background survey so that I can understand a little bit more about your goals. And then the first session will be looking at different types of traumas. We’ll explore six principles that have been researched and I think can provide a good structure for us when we’re supporting families. And then I have another reflection that I would like you to complete between session one and session two. So the session itself will be an hour.
Ann Epstein
And then between that session and the next one, I have a little bit of homework for you again, there’s a book that I’d like you to read. It’s a picture book and it’s often used as a professional development vehicle when teachers are looking at ways to support kids who are experiencing trauma. All right, so the second session we’re going to be looking at children’s reactions and then we’ll start looking at some Montessori based classroom supports. And I think we’ll be able to find something that will give each one of you some support. That’s my goal anyway. I want you to, if you’re able to take the course, I want you to walk away with it having some understanding about trauma as well as some practical things that you can do to support kids and families. And then our third.
Ann Epstein
So again, there’s a little bit of homework for you. There’s actually a doctoral study that was completed in 2024 that addressed trauma supports in public school settings that I think might be interesting for you. And then there are a couple of other options that I put together for that second reflection. And then our third session, we’re going to focus on families and how to support them and then take a look at what your next steps might be. And then I do want to be sure that you have a little bit of time to look at the area of secondary traumas. And then throughout the course we’re going to be addressing self care. And we’ll look at that a little bit more thoroughly in our last session together. All right. Okay.
Ann Epstein
So four hours, four and a half hours when you include the reflections and yeah, there’s my contact information. Feel free, whether you take the course or not, to reach out. And I’m hoping that I’ll be able to offer you some ideas that’ll be helpful. All right, I’m going to stop sharing.
Nancy Smith
Yeah, stop sharing for a minute and let’s chat so, Ann, now that you have retired from your full time teaching position, we’re honored to have you offer a course through imc. And I will put the link in the chat for everyone to take a look at. I’d like to go back to how you started this with the feather and the light touch. And I, I appreciate the analogy. And I, and I wonder because I think that sometimes trauma shows itself in children in a lot of different way. Well, it always shows in very different ways. And, and we can be challenged to recognize that it’s trauma or trauma induced behavior.
Ann Epstein
And.
Nancy Smith
Sometimes we think perhaps firmer is better. And so I’m wondering, how do you. How do you manage that? Or how do we. How do we tell? And I know we’ll learn more in the course, but I. Yeah, we really do this because I think that would be the basic ingredient we need to create the safety you’re talking about.
Ann Epstein
Yeah, yeah. Well, it does vary from child to child, that’s for sure. But one way to start to think about this is the categories that I’m sure you’ve all heard about. So we have the fight, we have the flight, we have the freeze. And then we also have the reaction of many children that is often referred to as clingy clinging, where they’re just holding on. But underneath each one of those reactions, again, the primary need, the kind of fundamental need is for the child to feel safe. Now, when a child is yelling and maybe kicking and spitting and has those really aggressive behaviors, it’s hard not to approach that with a little bit more firmness. And sometimes that can be a way to help a child start to feel safe again.
Ann Epstein
But along with that, it’s a heaviness that the child is feeling when they don’t feel safe in order for them to start to regain a sense that I am okay. The people around me are here to support me and take good care of me. If we can keep ourselves in a comforting mode. And I think maybe the feather can help us remember that we’re all about helping them and soothing them. Maybe that’s another way to look at it. I think we’re going to be a little bit more effective. I’m not sure if that might start to address your question, Kathy, but maybe it’s a starting point.
Nancy Smith
A starting point. I think we’re all at different starting points. We’ve been really thinking, I think, more intentionally about trauma since COVID and we. It became where, you know, there might have been a smaller percentage of children in Trauma. And now we see such a great percentage of children who have experienced trauma, at the very least. And I think it’s relevant to think about. There are many different types of trauma that children are experiencing. And right now we do have some added complications, if you will. Many of our participants today have had experiences where the school has been perhaps raided or some of their families have had some unfortunate encounters. And, and so we see even more of this, if you will, because it’s not just the child who might experience the trauma, it’s also about witnessing trauma.
Ann Epstein
Absolutely.
Nancy Smith
Any thoughts on that? And, and our current situation and trauma.
Ann Epstein
It’s heartbreaking. It really is. I was listening to a radio broadcast that was featuring a physician and she was talking about how hard it is to care for patients when there are government officials in the hospital parking lots. It’s just everywhere. It really does seem to be pervasive. And I think one of the things that we need to do when we’re with children who are in the midst of all this is to listen to what they have to say, to keep our routines as consistent as we can, but to always have an ear available for whatever they, whatever questions they might have, whatever emotions they are dealing with so that they know that again, we’re a source of safety and comfort for them. And as you mentioned, Kathy, and I think I alluded to this a little bit, children have so many different reactions.
Ann Epstein
You know, there are some kiddos who just are, talk, talk, talk. And that is their way of coping and they just kind of get themselves riled up and they’re not, maybe they’re not particularly aggressive, but they’re just wound up. They’re just so wound up. And then that can sometimes lead to children who are exhausted. And we see that too, where children are just so tired and so being flexible, being aware that they may need to just rest. And if they fall asleep during the work period, that’s probably a good thing because they’re worn out families who are dealing with all this, they’re not sleeping well. So remembering those basic needs in addition to all of the learning that we’re hoping that we can provide for them, but we have to keep in mind those basic needs as well as.
Ann Epstein
So being flexible, being adaptable, being ready to support them with whatever we can, I think is our best approach.
Nancy Smith
Yeah, very interesting, particularly right now because of this. And, and I always wonder how do I reassure children when I don’t know.
Ann Epstein
Yeah.
Nancy Smith
If I can really keep them safe. And I want to be, you know, honest and genuine because I believe children are very attuned to that. And so, you know, we. Again, I struggle.
Ann Epstein
Yeah.
Nancy Smith
And I’m sure you’ve seen many examples of this yourself and have dealt with it personally. You know, there’s. There’s only so much listening I think is the best thing for me personally. I’m interested to hear what our other attendees are thinking about this, because I think if we can be witness and listen and hold the space for them, that feels more honest to me than saying, I, I’m going to keep you safe when I don’t know. And I think it’s a sort of a false narrative for them.
Ann Epstein
I do, too. I totally agree, Kathy. I think we have to be careful not. Not to say that, you know, you’re safe here. I’ll keep you safe, because we really don’t know. You know, we can say to them that we will do everything we can to. To take good care of them, but we have to be careful about what we promise for sure.
Nancy Smith
Yeah. I’d like to open it up to anyone else who’d like to join us. I know people have been coming in pretty regularly through the. Through the waiting room. And Nilar, if I’m saying your name correctly, please go ahead and unmute. Yeah, Yeah, we can’t hear you yet. You’re still muted. Oh, there you go. Yep.
Nilofer Siddiqui
I am really enjoying the talk about trauma. Although I don’t teach in class, I am the head of school. I used to teach, but I come across almost, you know, all the children in the class I go and observe in classrooms. I just go. So everybody knows me. So children who are going through a difficult time, I don’t say anything. I just walk and I just open my arms and they come to me and I just hug them. And we may stand there for five minutes, and you’ll be amazed how the child just is ready to go back to class and do what he or she’s doing. And so I don’t talk much. I basically, it’s my action, for example, just now, but five, before we started this zoom, I was walking down the hallway.
Nilofer Siddiqui
The children were coming in line from lunch, and each child, they came, they wanted to hug me, and I did. And I said. And at the very end, I said, have a great day. And I walked away. So I feel that if we don’t talk much, you know, like Kathy was saying, how can we tell them that you’re safe? You don’t need to tell them I feel this way. They just need to feel.
Ann Epstein
Yeah.
Nilofer Siddiqui
That I’m safe around this person or this teacher or the school. I mean, this is how I deal with it.
Ann Epstein
Yeah.
Nilofer Siddiqui
That’s all I wanted to share.
Ann Epstein
Oh, thank you for sharing that near for that was beautiful. That gave me chills. Yeah. I mean what children I feel.
Nilofer Siddiqui
Is really, that’s what children want.
Ann Epstein
Yeah.
Nilofer Siddiqui
Many times we talk, talk. Yeah.
Ann Epstein
But just to be there, you know what we are saying. Right.
Nilofer Siddiqui
And we are the way I tell my teachers, I said think of it for a minute for if we had in our room a 12 foot, 13 foot guy standing in front of us. He is a giant for us and we are like intimidated. So for the child’s eyes, we are giants and they’re huge people. They’re looking up to us. So therefore the more we talk, the more like they are, oh my God, this giant of a person is talking to me. Well, I mean I am not a very tall person. You know, I’m 5 foot 2 inches.
Nancy Smith
So.
Nilofer Siddiqui
But then all the teachers who are almost six foot tall or whatever, I just tell them just one. Of course we all Montessorians, you know, talk to on their level.
Ann Epstein
But.
Nilofer Siddiqui
And if you have to just sit on a couch or a chair, call them, just hug them. So it is more so we should not be the intimidated, strong personality. We should be the kind, gentle personality that they can connect to. This is my feeling. I have a lot to learn from you guys. You experts out there.
Ann Epstein
I think you’re right on with exactly that approach. I think that provides that comfort, that soothing, that sense of safety. And even if it’s just for a half a minute, it can turn a child’s stay around. That can make a huge difference. Yeah, I love that.
Nilofer Siddiqui
Definitely.
Ann Epstein
Thank you for sharing that.
Nancy Smith
Lisa, nice to see you again.
Ann Epstein
It’s good to be back. Thanks to the snow day. So we have been drowning in trauma for the last year. Right now about 10% of our families are going through divorce and we’re a small school. There are two restraining orders involved. And we had a parent take his life the first day of break, which shook. So what I’m seeing is not only the kids who are specifically impacted, but then the community of children is impacted. The community of parents was shook to the core. And then the staff is doing well and using every single trick. Like, I am so thankful for the decades of stuffed tools in my bag because it is so much sometimes and that’s not even including the news, which is also almost unfathomable.
Ann Epstein
So I saw this as that I was going to be on anyway because I have a snow day and I can be on. It’s not nap time, but I have a two year old class so I get in when I can on nap time or when I have somebody tagging in. But I love being here and this topic was a godsend today because we are just really in the thick of trauma and it is taking all that we have and we need our resources so we can be there for the kids. And I believe in all of what was just said, you know, with that connection. I don’t think there’s learning without connection. I don’t think there’s learning without safety. And that safety, that connection, that being seen, that being authentic, you know, not over promising but.
Ann Epstein
But I’m here with you, whether it’s the adults or the kids. I think that’s the first base to go to because I think everything else scaffolds on top of that. And I’ve already texted Cassie and Kathy to see when the class starts because on my second screen I’ve already got.
Ann Epstein
It pulled up to sign up and to check which people in my school.
Ann Epstein
Want to take it to. But so I want to say thank you. You because this is so relevant and no matter how much we go through it, I’m. I’m not sure we’re ever fully prepared for the level of trauma we’re trying to help ourselves through and help others through. So thank you.
Ann Epstein
Oh gosh, Lisa, I’m sorry to hear what’s happening in your community. I had a, a flash memory as you were talking. I had the wonderful friendship for a number of years with Sister Cletus in Lexington, Kentucky. And she and Sister Gloria ran Providence Montessori School. And they had a very traumatic situation. They have no idea how, you know, what the details are about, why this happened. But the upshot was that the school was broken into and most of the classroom pets were killed. And they think that it was teens, teenagers, they never found out for sure. But as they were trying to figure out what to do, Sister Cletus said, you know, we just all need a hug. And so they invited the school community to come together. And they stood around the building and I get all teary just thinking about this.
Ann Epstein
And they held hands and they as a school community gave their building a hug. And it told me that when we’re in the midst of these really awful situations, sometimes we can come up with A thing to do. We can’t always come up with something specific that would be healing and that would really help our school community. But I’m hoping that as we share instances and situations that maybe as, you know, as a group, we can come up with some specifics. Because along with learning the fundamentals and kind of broad parameters, I think it is helpful too to come up with some specific things here and there. So Lisa, I’m inviting you, if you’ve come up with something specific that’s been helpful for your school community, I would love to hear it.
Ann Epstein
You had talked a little bit about digging into your bag of tricks, so I wonder if there might be something that you’ve come across that you’d like to share.
Ann Epstein
So far, most of what we’ve done have just been all of the, just been the vagus nerve things we’ve done. The vagus nerve resets, all the physical things is what we’ve been working on first. So, so we can ground back into our bodies and get that energy back and come out of fight or flight, which is so easily, I’ve noticed, is so easily triggered. Going through this. I had said over the summer we lost my brother in law to a massive heart attack out of nowhere in front of us.
Ann Epstein
And.
Ann Epstein
My husband going out to show shovel, I was like, use the bench shovel, it’s healthier. And he said, well, I like this one better, it holds more. And I just went and. And that wasn’t that moment, that was the trigger. So I find that the more aware we are, the more grounded we are and the more we’re taking care of our nerves and our own systems, the better we function and the healthier we function. So we have cards in the classroom and we integrate them into transitions which are always, you know, a different time. You know, some kids transition better than others, some adults transition better than others. I’m not always phenomenal at transitioning. So we’re using those things, we’re using all of the physical things right now and building out from there.
Ann Epstein
Great, thank you.
Nancy Smith
You. Yeah, thanks. Lisa. I know, I know your bag of tricks, or many of them, because you’ve shared for many years here with us and appreciate that you’re the kind of leader that keeps learning for yourself and that benefits your community and it always shows. Thank you. I’m sorry your community is going through that as well. I think so many are in so many different ways. And while we think about these crisis traumas you bring up, what’s really important is that these are, I’m Sorry about the everyday traumas, the divorces and the custody and the grief and the dealing with death. And these are life events and yet they’re traumatic from all of us. Yeah, yeah. And what do you think when you know that you have these individual traumas? Obviously everyone has them because life continues to happen.
Nancy Smith
As much as we think we’re in charge, as much as we think we control, we, you know, all of these things we do, yet it really isn’t in our control. And that’s part of it is feeling helpless. Right. In, in these crises. But in the day to day things, you know, in any given classroom environment, you know, you might have two or three children who are going through something and it seems that we’re hearing more and more that it’s not two or three children, it’s the vast majority of the children in the environment. Are there things collectively. And Lisa talked. This reason that triggered for me is Lisa brought up transitions and you had brought up that consistency of as much as possible the routines, particularly for young children. But I think for all of us are sort of the anchor, the security blanket.
Nancy Smith
Oh yeah, I know what’s coming next because everything is, can be so unpredictable. Do you have thoughts about that? And for the sort of the community of children that we’re, that we work with.
Ann Epstein
Yeah, yeah. Well, it’s probably not going to be anything brand new, but maybe just a few reminders. I think whatever we can do to help children take that deep breath when they are not in the midst of a terrible situation, but when it’s just the beginning of the day, the middle of the day, whenever. But whatever we can do to help them just kind of breathe. It sounds so simple, but I think that is one thing to keep in mind. And then I would also say that it’s important to lighten things up wherever you can. So to have a dance party during your line time just to do something fun that can add a little bit of sparkle.
Ann Epstein
One of the areas of our curriculum that one of the only regrets, actually I’ve said this to my students over the years that I have about my time in the classroom was that I didn’t do more science because it’s so exciting for kids to see something happen, even if it’s just as simple as the vinegar and baking soda. But to bring those kinds of fun, exciting moments into your classroom when the community is dealing with a lot. So it’s really kind of the old yin and yang, helping them take that centering breath. And you can do that through a number of different kinds of meditations with young children. But then to add a little bit of a dazzle, something that would be fun, that can make a big difference, too.
Ann Epstein
So I would encourage teachers and school leaders to kind of think about both of those ends.
Nancy Smith
Appreciate that. We’ll go to Nancy and then to Renee. So I was remembering, and this is sort of what Ann was talking about, but I was remembering when I was an intern in 1969, I think we had a little boy in our class who was three years old, and he had leukemia, so he didn’t come to school often. And we talked about it, and we missed him. And they would ask, when’s he coming back? When’s he coming back? And we’d say, as soon as he feels well enough to do that, he’ll be here, because he misses us, too. So one day his parents brought him to school, and everybody in the class stopped what they were doing, ran over to the door and hugged, hugged as much as they could, and just celebrated the fact that they.
Nancy Smith
That they were there, that he was there. It was just such a celebration. And the smile on this child’s face, it was just wonderful. But for the parents, I don’t think anything could have made them feel better at that moment than to see their.
Nilofer Siddiqui
Child embraced like that.
Nancy Smith
Yeah. And later in the year, he died, and so we had to talk about that. And I remember being all in a circle, and we talked about how sad it was, but we also. Everybody had. I mean, from the littlest children up, everybody had one particular memory about Peter that they could share. And by the end of the time, everybody was feeling happy. They were happy to have known him, happy to have had him in the class with them, and happy to remember him. So that’s the other side.
Ann Epstein
Yeah. Yeah.
Nancy Smith
Trauma. That’s the part of the healing side. It is. Which I think gives us hope.
Ann Epstein
It does. Yeah. Thank you, Nancy. That was beautiful. Wow.
Nancy Smith
Thanks, Renee. You’re muted.
Nilofer Siddiqui
Well, I must say, Nancy, that’s a hard one to follow. I’m choked up here. But anyway, I’m gonna go to think about what I was thinking. A few minutes ago, I came in late, Ann, So I don’t really know what you were all talking about, but I can’t help but sit here and reflect on without getting, you know, political at all, but just saying, the world we’re living in and it’s. It almost feels to me that every week it’s worse than the week before. From the Little bit of news that I do watch occasionally to stay in touch. So. And I constantly say, what’s the impact of that on all of us? Right. And it has to be way bigger than we think it is because we haven’t had this in a sense, you know, in a decade.
Nilofer Siddiqui
But so that makes me say, well, what are the children feeling? What are they hearing? What are they feeling as much as we’re keeping them away from all of it. Right. But then I go and I can’t lose the opportunity to think about the parents, you know, where our hearts all go to the children. But my deep belief in schools need and almost responsibility to partner with parents when their children are in our care. And with a couple schools I’m working with, I’m just proposing to them to think about their next head of school cafe, head of school coffee or whatever the schools call it. Usually you do something on a monthly basis to bring parents in and just do a check in. Like don’t really have an agenda. Just say.
Nilofer Siddiqui
Or even one school I’m recommending do it by program level, toddler parents, primary and just say, come on in, let’s have it’s a free coffee with Renee. This make believe I’m the head of school and say, come on. And we just want to have a talk and say exactly what you’re saying and like what we’re all living through. How are people coping? Yeah, it’s kind of like we did that during the pandemic. I was running a girls high school and I had a coffee every Monday morning and I had 80% of the parents came in just to look at somebody and to say, help me. Are you okay? What do we do? How do we handle this? And it was really valuable time.
Nilofer Siddiqui
So I just offered that because my whole, my biggest commitment here other than the children is really to take care of the parents. You know, as much as they can be difficult, put that aside, take care of them. They all need our help. And schools and churches are the only place they’re going to get things that they really need for their heart. And then what are they going to be a better parent. Right. And they’re going to come to the school for advice when they need it. And so then they can work with us in a Montessori way once we build that trust with them. Anyway, that’s my two cents.
Ann Epstein
Yeah. Boy. Well, that is such a good reminder for us, Renee, that just being part of a community is huge. And then giving people the opportunity to be a member, and I love that Just to check in with each other, not to have any particular program or, you know, set of things to do, but just to be in community with each other.
Nilofer Siddiqui
It’s.
Ann Epstein
It’s.
Nilofer Siddiqui
Yeah. And I think during COVID Yeah, I think during COVID we learned to be alone in a way that some of it was good, but some of it isn’t good.
Ann Epstein
Yeah. Yeah.
Nilofer Siddiqui
Because before COVID if weren’t out with people, were crazy. Right now we’re okay to be at home, and what do we got? What’s going on in our minds at home with what’s going on in the world right now. Right.
Ann Epstein
Yeah. Yeah. We need each other. We do.
Nancy Smith
Yeah. Renee, you remind me. I mean, certainly creating this space, and there’s a couple of comments in the chat. Take a look at. Look. But it really is about creating that space for people to be in community, to feel heard and seen. And I think that’s what we do for each other here on a weekly basis. Right. We hold.
Nilofer Siddiqui
Yeah, we’re doing it. Yeah.
Nancy Smith
We hold space for each other and we share our experiences and on many different topics. And so I think that. I think it’s, you know, we’re talking about children. We tend to be very focused on children. And at the same time, this is essential for all of us and recognizing that and holding the space for each other. I know. I look forward to it. I can’t always make it just like all of you can’t always be here. But at the same time, I feel like this. It gives us an opportunity to be in dialogue about things that are important and relevant to us, and this is one that affects everyone. And we’ve talked about everything. Renee, from, you know, the. The crises of the day, which, you know, you can go unnamed because there are so many, you know, and we.
Nancy Smith
We kind of started feeling this during COVID like you mentioned, but at the same time, we have the everyday traumas. We have the. We almost are immune to some of these things or. Or we don’t want to become immune to them. We don’t want to become hardened. Hardened to. Oh, that’s just the run of the mill divorce or that’s just the, you know, this. This parent abandoned that child or, you know, those kinds of things, or a sibling lost to death. And. And so these things happen. And. And it’s. I just. I. I wanted to all. I wanted to all stop. Okay, let me just say. I’m just gonna say it out loud is what I would really like if I had my magic wand. But.
Nancy Smith
But at the same time, you know, there’s lessons in all of this for all of us and how we have grown in being able to be in community and work through traumas together has been, I think, essential. And so I think creating that space and makes me think about classrooms. So I think about in these environments, these communities of children, and Dr. Montessori’s teachings on social cohesion. And I think, well, what is it about that community that we can intentionally set it and make sure there are. There is space for processing, space to listen, space for children to share with each other. Because how many times do we think we don’t have time to listen to this story? This three year old is telling us for the 30th time and it takes him like four minutes to tell the story about his grandma.
Nancy Smith
And we have to act like we’ve heard it never before and we can’t wait to hear it again. And so I’m just juxtapositioning this with the reality of our busy days in the environments, our busy days, leading schools. These are, these are things how do we. And, and it’s all about intentionality, right? It’s all about how do we prepare ourselves to be in the presence of those we serve. For me, that’s a lesson in what do I do to prepare myself to be present here with us or in any other work that I’m doing.
Nancy Smith
And I’m not working with children as much anymore, although that is my very favorite thing to do is at least get in and observ as often as possible because I continue to learn from each and every one of the children, no matter what day it is, no matter what’s happening. I get a new lesson every day with when I can observe. So those are the things I keep saying yes to. But I do think it has a lot to do with are we creating space within us to hold that for others?
Nilofer Siddiqui
Yeah.
Ann Epstein
Yep. Yeah. I do want to offer one more point as we. We’ve still got a good 12 minutes. That’s great. But I just want to share this before I forget about it. Pardon me. We as human beings have a certain degree of resilience and it can show up in different ways. And believe it or not, there’s actually been some research done on the whole idea of where does resilience come from and how can we tap into it when we need to. You probably won’t be surprised to hear that one of the most consistent findings in this area is that a relationship with one caring adult, whether it’s in the child’s immediate family or not can make a huge difference. And there are different case studies.
Ann Epstein
The one that always pops, that I seem to remember the most clearly is a situation where a child was growing up in a family that was just experiencing all kinds of chaos. And this child found her way to the neighborhood beauty salon, and she would just sit and listen to one of the beauticians chatting with the customers. And it was intentional on the beautician’s part. She knew that she was an important person in this child’s life. And so she always made sure that the conversations that she was having with her clients were. Were light and appropriate. And then eventually they got to know each other. And this. This neighborhood beautician became the point of light in this child’s world. And if I remember correctly, they didn’t spend a lot of time together.
Ann Epstein
I mean, it was maybe once or twice a week at the most. But that. That connection gave the child insight into relationships that could work well. And. Yeah, so that’s another area that I think we can learn more from. What is it within ourselves that is resilient? And how can we appreciate that in the families and the children that we work with? It’s there. It just may show itself in different ways.
Nancy Smith
Such a good point, Ann. And I think that’s, you know, when I said I wanted to wave my magic wand and make it all go away. And I recognize that adversity builds resilience.
Ann Epstein
Yes.
Nancy Smith
And I recognize that adversity helps us practice our coping skills. And so I understand the rhythm of life. I just don’t always agree with it. So I’ll go to Nancy. I just. I just want to say this just reminds me of how careful we have to be to really get to know.
Nilofer Siddiqui
The children that we work with.
Nancy Smith
Might not be privy to everything that’s going on in the household or whatever is going on in their lives or their parents lives or whatever. But we see this child before us, and it’s incumbent upon us to get to know as much as we can.
Nilofer Siddiqui
About that child.
Nancy Smith
Because it informs how he acts, how he learns, how he interacts with others. And the more we know children, the less prone we are to make quick judgments about. This child is driving me nuts. He just is running around the classroom. There’s nothing I can do to calm him down. Okay, why might this child be running around the classroom? What is he looking for? What is he missing? These are the questions we have to ask ourselves. And sometimes you can just ask the child, why are you running around the classroom? Well, I don’t know what to do or I have so much energy, I don’t know how to spend it. Oh, well, let’s see what we can figure out about that. You know, it’s so quick and it’s so easy, but it’s.
Nancy Smith
It takes a certain amount of humility on our part to be able to get down to that level of the child. And then once we do, maybe we understand a little bit better about him, and maybe we will have the. Find the right tools that Lisa’s talking about to pull out and work with.
Nilofer Siddiqui
This child or whatever.
Ann Epstein
Yeah. Thanks, Nancy. We know behavior is communication, and it’s not easy to figure out what that particular what is being communicated, but that’s what we need to do. We need to do the best we can to figure out what that unmet need is and then to help the child find some ways to meet that need. That would work well in the classroom.
Nilofer Siddiqui
And I think the feather is the way to do it. Exactly right.
Nancy Smith
Yes. I love it. I think we should all have a feather in our office or in our classrooms just for the visual reminder of that. I love the way we can use that and to have that light touch. And. And Nancy, I appreciate that curiosity to be able to really hold that child with an open heart and curiosity for how can I serve? How can I help? What could be going on here? And children usually have the answers. I did. I had a similar situation. I had a child who was doing the. The running. And I did ask him. This is many years ago when I was in a classroom. And I did ask him, hey, what’s up? Just, you know, kind of fun, like, what’s up? And he said, my brain hurts. Oh, my brain hurts.
Nancy Smith
I don’t know, you know, does that mean he’s on overload? He had a headache? I’m not sure, but I thought that was a pretty descriptive answer. My brain hurts and I need to run. Okay, so we worked on it from there, but. But just asking the children, it can give you such insight. There’s been a few requests in the chat, not surprisingly, wanting more information on Anne’s course. So I have put the link in there again so that you can access that and take a look. If you would like to participate, I’m sure we would love to have you. The conversation will continue with lots more. Well, I say tips and tricks, but they’re. They’re not really.
Nancy Smith
There’s a lot of research behind what Ann is sharing, and it is more than just a checklist of tips and tricks, but we do appreciate the practical things that Anne will be sharing in the course. And do you want to say some final words about that?
Ann Epstein
Well, sure, yeah. Hopefully there’ll be a good balance for you of fundamental principles. Pardon me, I don’t know what happened there. The frogs got in. And then some specific things that you might try out in your classroom. Classroom. So, yeah, I’m hoping to go for a balance. And just as we found out during our time together, the sharing and the way that you all have just come up with memories and instances where you were able to offer support, I’m hoping we can foster that during our conversations too. So I, I have some information that I definitely want to share. I have some suggestions and we’ll also make it interactive.
Nancy Smith
We appreciate that. I also want to remind everybody, couple people asked about the recording. We do post our recordings of all of our weekly leadership forums. They’re on the Montessori IMC montessori.org website. You do have to log in if you’re not a member. It’ll give you an opportun to join to have access to those. And also we have a leaders and learners retreat coming up in April. We would love to invite you. We’ll be in Catskills, New York taking the show on the road. We’re really looking forward to having an opportunity to be together and in deep conversation and opportunity to connect in a new and different way for imc. So let me know if you have questions about that. I’m happy to talk to you about that.
Nancy Smith
And Ann, I think that this topic, you know, we could do this every week just to process this topic, but I think the course is going to give everybody a very good grounding in what can actually they can do proactively to help and to work with families and children. And we know that is the root of our work. And in order to, let’s see, what did Dr. Montessori say? Something about the future of humanity. I think that we might have a role in that. And you know, we have to think big. We have to think that the effect that we’re having, you know, one drop at a time surely does make a difference. And one child at a time, we have significant impact. And your, and your reminder about the research one adult can make the difference in a child’s life.
Nancy Smith
We are those adults. And so. Yeah. Yeah. So thank you everyone for your role in Montessori education and furthering this work throughout the world. And Ann, thank you for your ongoing contribution for so many years to IMC into the Montessori community. We so appreciate you.
Ann Epstein
Well, thank you, Kathy. Thank you for leading us and helping us connect with each other. I think we’ve done that today. Thanks to you. So I appreciate that very much. And thank you to each one of you for taking a little bit of time to interact and to explore this topic. I hope you all have a great rest of your day.
Nancy Smith
Me too. Stay warm everybody. Stay safe. Take. Take care.
Ann Epstein
Bye. Bye.
Nancy Smith
Okay, I think it went really well and thank you.
Ann Epstein
Oh, thank you, Kathy. Thank you. And if you have any feedback, you know, just let me know. Anything that comes to mind, that would be something I should consider. Just please let me know. That’d be great.
Nancy Smith
You know I will. But I think. Looking forward to the course. All good.
Ann Epstein
Okay.
Nancy Smith
Okay. Thanks everybody. Take care.
Nilofer Siddiqui
Okay.
Ann Epstein
Bye.
Ann Epstein
Bye.